radmad.ca

i've been remiss in posting
because so much has been happening
oh the irony
this would be a classic case of
no news is good news

so i have been in full force
living out the predictions
of my astrologer
and life is grand i say

i'm going here
www.jnlbikinibootcamp.com
laugh it up fuk'rs
cause this will turn into something big
i promise
it's a stepping stone
a launch pad
a BOING into a big future

oh and here are some words of wisdom

it is sage
it is advice
it is thoughtful
and it will only serve you well

1. say what you mean and mean what you say
it is better to be blunt
then be a dik by telling a false truth
and having to make up for it later

2. be patient
move slower and take stuff in
if you watch just one sunrise
it will change you
it will make you think differently
you will reprioritize
even if for the day
i promise

3. love your friends
and appreciate how they make your life better

4. if you tell your sister to fuk off
and even if you mean it
apologize anyways

5. be active and realize
that endorphins are stronger
and give you a better buzz
than beer

6. don't ever settle
if you are unhappy with an aspect of your life
then take steps to change it
if you hate your job
do your resume
if you are fat
eat better and exercise
if you are lonely
be nicer to people and they will want to hang out with you

7. do not cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend
if you are not happy
there is no way
s/he can be happy either
a relationship is chemistry
there needs to be two substances to make a reaction
if you are of no substance
then take your beaker and go home

you know it's a nice day
when you purposely don't drink
the night before
for fear of being too "physically
and cerebrally unavailable"
to enjoy it

rollerblading happened today
so did shopping for a pair
that were actually manufactured
in this decade

then in conducting my pre-purchase
due diligence
i realized new technologies
in the blade business
may facilitate my ability to move
at a faster speed

i therefore expeditiously ended
my search

i do not feel the need
for additional speed

death my destructive blading
is not an option

sometimes i roake
drunkhead
and sometimes i agree
to sing up back up sobre
on killing me softly




sometimes i sing in my house
and sometimes in a bar
sometimes you can barely hear me
and sometimes you can hear me far

like up the street even



sometimes i sing alone
and sometimes with a crew
sometimes it's hot italians
and sometimes my favourite jew

sometimes when i come home
from work and need to refuel
i throw on my sandles
and unleash a hacked up version of jewel

i tend to abhore will farrell
back off if you like him
you can't change my mind

i did however like this little gem

pearl

smellycat
is my best friend from high school
and when i saw her on saturday
she gave me this pin

it is a cougar
surrounded by sparkles

at first i thought it was a funny
little trinket
and then i put it on my jacket
and the colours match fantastically
and although i am not a cougar
i am fast and
i can pounce
so i wear it with pride

heh
'pride'
i'm funny

giving people the support
encouragement
and confidence
to find their inner rockstar

i am now officially in training
to run a marathon

i am on a restricted craziness party diet
i must eat proper
drink lots of water
sleep good
and have the occassional meaningless romp in the hay

cross training requirement of course

fear not
i am not training to be a dork
i can still have fun
but

DON'T TEMPT ME TO BE A DRUNKHEAD

thank you

don't don't DON'T don't

don't

don't don't don't




don't don't

DON'T


don't don't don't don't don't

don't

wait another second to go see this movie

ben folds live at koolhaus this weekend
for those out of the know
it's a huge open warehouse turned
concert venue

electronic tickets

just inside the doors
i crack a joke...
let's change tickets
i don't like my seats
dank, meg and i hold our bellies
and shake our heads
in mild laughter

neaters pulls me aside
as dank and meg check coats
with a look of concern
"what's wrong? you don't like your seat?"

she's new




.
.
.



say no to crack

(credits...butt double: neaters)

overheard on the boardwalk yesterday
a conversation between neighbours Dank and radmad
while walking his dog
her dog is currently at camp grampy



dank: my friend who is a cop
just got assigned to the sex crimes unit

radmad: well i'm not getting any sex
and that's a fuk'n crime

can he investigate that?

so hanstar and i get to the phoenix
at 9:15
and there is a killer line up
from the venue up sherbourne

not cool

so i head to the bouncer
and ask "what's the deal with the line?"
we exchange blah blah's
and then he tells me to go get my friend
and booyah
we's in

i'd say it was my volumtuous heaving chest
that did the trick
but that would be a stretch
perhaps it could have been my sweet feistiness
that lured him
but not likely

i'm thinking perhaps
it was the fanny pack
strapped all badass across my chest

whatever guy way back in the line
who uttered a cheeky "nice fanny packs"
as we whisked past in a flurry

WHO'S LAUGHING NOW

you heard it here first
the fanny pack is officially BACK

radmad has the runs...

Harry Rosen 8km run for prostate cancer
Saturday, April 7th

MS 10km walk-a-thon
Sunday, April 15th

Mississauga 1/2 Marathon
Sunday, May 13th

Becel 75km bike ride for Heart & Stroke
Sunday, June 3rd

if you have some extra money
sponsor me
if you have some extra time
cheer me on
if you have some extra pain meds
hook me up a drip

role of DANK to be played by

role of radmad to be played by


DANK says:
you still up?

DANK says:
piano guy is almost done

radmad.ca says:
so

DANK says:
sorry if it's keeping you up late

radmad.ca says:
no.

radmad.ca says:
it is not

DANK says:
coolio

DANK says:
gladola

DANK says:
he's gonna do a burnout solo at the end

DANK says:
should be cool beans

radmad.ca says:
make all the noise you like. cause i'm doin a 5am spin and you can't say shit now. ha

radmad.ca says:
www.radmad.ca

DANK says:
is nothing secret?

radmad.ca says:
no.

DANK says:
now people will come steal our piano!!!

radmad.ca says:
not when what they are really after is my sweet karaoke system

radmad.ca says:
k. he is tapping alot. hope he's not charging by the key

radmad.ca says:
he better hurry up or i'll start singing.

DANK says:
lol

DANK says:
start louie louie

DANK says:
see if he plays in

radmad.ca says:
does he know You're So Vain?

i ffffffuk'n dripped
grapeffruit juice on my keyboard

now the ff key sticks
and makes for an annoying type

yeah the gg is a bit testy too







oh and raymi
thou doth speakith
too soon

i think oatmeal has cured me
of my cravings for sweets
i don't desire them
like i used to
which is a fuk'n good thing
cause bathing suit season is creeping up
and i don't want my bathing suit
creeping up

into the depths of a big ass crack