radmad.ca

show them a bit of class
and you are glorified
stand taller than you want to
shoulders back and walk slow
be confident in your gait
look straight
head up
wear colours that compliment you
never show too much skin
just enough to make them
want to undress you
makeup should be subtle
delicately accent your beauty
speak up
don't hesitate
say whatever you damn well please
but be polite
nothing you say will be of any consequence
if it is spoken with brashness
wear fake pearls
they will exude electricity
ZAP
shock them
make them think you have nothing intelligent
to say
wait for the right time
smile delightly
and declare your worth with poise

make them want to know you

masturbation is traditionally taboo
not because it damages your health
it is not only safe sex
it is safe incest
or because it is against the law
but because we fear it may be the truth about sex:
that sex is something we do on our own

so why do we
at least apparantly
have sex with other people
why include them at all?

if masturbation is about having it
the way you want it
sex with other people is about having it
the way you didn't know you wanted it

mmmmm
i like that

i think maybe she had too many burbons
maybe it was the whisky sour
but she leaned over and looked into my eyes
and then she reached for my pants
i could do nothing
i think she had been longing for some time
at that moment
it was the start of something
neither of us had experienced before

if someone were to give you a chicken
so you can have an endless supply of eggs
and you ask the chicken's name
it can't really be just "chicken"
that's like my name being girl
i wouldn't feel very special now would i?

it's nice outside today
but i got into a persnipity quaking match with some bitch
she had an issue with my bitch
being with me in the fruit & veggie store
so i got my back up and pfff'd her

besides she bought $27.32 in produce
do you know how long it takes to ring in
that much produce?
long time
especially since i had a yanking dog, coffee, berries & a bigass apple
juggling in my hands
i was this close to taking a strip off her
so close

in other news i have a bit of massage oil in my hair
but i never received any massage
that has got to go down as one of life's big rip offs

sadness has pulled up a chair
funny
it can be scheduled

it had been diaritized
in my pocket calendar
when you know it's coming
it seems okay
it seems years away
but when it arrives
it lashes with the fury of a thousand hands

i know it will be better
tomorrow
or the next day
well not the next day

fuk
it has been ages
since i cried in the shower




tonight she has a heavy heart

thank you wine for making it even a bit okay

i'm glad that i don't have to vote
cause if i did
i might have to create my own box next to bushwacker
a little checky tickbox
that say's "fuk no"

isn't it sad, that even in a democracy
it sometimes feels like there really is no choice
well no smart choice
no confident choice

there should be a "none of the above" option

oh yeah
and i'm also kinda bothered that
(in an effort to not eat the last 20 or so jubejubes
of the 1 pound bag i started eating yesterday)
i sprinkled the rest of them strategically
into the garbage

strategically enough so that it would be just too gross
to go in and grab them back

hindsight is a bitch
that i wish i hadn't made fun of
in grade school

i remember when being drunk was cool
and it wasn't even the drunk part
and it mostly wasn't the hungover part
but it kinda was
what was cool was being able to say that you WERE drunk
and how much fun you had
and how crazy you were

it's just not cool any more
it's lame
it's cooler to say you went out and DIDN't drink

i didn't drink until i was in university
and even then i did it half-assed
then i learned how to do it better
now i think i'm immune to it

truly
immune

i'm not sure how i feel about that

the greeks didn't write obituaries
they only asked one question
after a man died

did he have passion?

go see kyle star in this blockbuster
he plays the duel headed cat freak
it's not really
a stretch role for him
but it'll be good


SPACE ZOMBIES: 13 Months of Brain-Spinning Mayhem!

At - the Bloor Cinema, 506 Bloor Street West (near Bloor and Bathurst,
on the north east side of Bloor) - 1PM THIS Saturday, September
25th!! Tickets are $8 for adults, $5 for children, students and
seniors!

Starring: Kevin Risk, Conor McCreery, Darcy Windover, Albert Masters,
Kelsey Matheson, Dave Krstin, Andrea Lyons, Kyle McKeown, Jason
Reilly, Chris Gibbs, Angelo Stellato, Frodo Macaulay, Rob Downes, Prea
Macaulay, Kim Croscup, Erin Gooderham, Clinton Somerton, Taco Steeves,
Renata Rampersaud, John Gaylord, Johnny Vong and Trevor Risk.

Even the sanest and kindest of men goes mad. But what is it that
drives him to insanity? What you will see in this film are the images
of the circumstances under which one man, veterinarian Dr. Vic
McNaughton, goes horribly, horribly and irretrievably mad…is it the
aliens seeking human brains for snacks? Zombies seeking to switch
their brains with the brains of cats? Monster toad-beasts? Starfish
mutations? Dr. Vic and his staff experience all of these adventures,
but it is the Space Zombies' experiments switching the thought
essences of Dr. Vic's wife Betsy and his beloved cat Ju-Jube that
eventually push him over the edge. His solution is obvious – his wife
and darling pet must be combined, but first he must test his theories
out on some other unsuspecting humans and cats. What results is a
truly terrifying travesty – a duel-headed cat freak that defies his
master and tears out on a frightening rampage!

Reviews available at http://www.toronto.com/profile/875522/

so we's going to the Drake Hotel ce soir
it's the trendy bar of the T dot

we might see some stars
not constellations
but movie stars
they were there last night

the Toronto Film Festival is on you see


so i'm thinking i better dress up
wear something funky
something pretty
something that would knock your socks off
but maybe not just knock them off
but ricochette them off the wall
and through the fuk'n streets

cause you never know
one of these said stars
may recognize
the photo op
and ask for a snapshot in time
of my arms embracing their ego

you'll say
that we have nothing in common

except for the coffee we shared
and the endless moments
we could have spent in the used bookstore
hurry and finish it
we will trade

your eyes see through me
i guess i was wrong

we were just like that couple
the one who looked funky
and snuck into the vintage shop
just before close
she carried eggs
his omelettes could never compare

you'll say the world has come between us
our lives have come between us

we rushed home
the hot sun made our leather and wool
want to return to their birthplaces
back on the farm and bath in the cool pond

you poured me a drink
and kicked back
i put on a pretty shirt
and we became content



and we both kinda liked it
i guess that's the one thing we've got

don't fear the reaper
sometimes he has a soft side
but it's usually facing west
when the wind is spiraling

this one day
a sinister wrote
an ode to radmad

she was blushing

if you need me
i'll be in the parking lot
with the losers and the jerks
yeah
i'll be in the parking lot
selling fireworks

it's on again in Toronto
this weekend
i'm thrilled
i will be there
and i will spend the $8 to get in
and i will marvel at all of the pretty things
..the dresses and jewelery and bags
and i will look like a diva
because
after all
that's what i am

dear mr. rogers cable,

you may want to pick up the telephone today
and call the big boys in black suits
who are in the midst of contemplating
the fate of the '04-05 NHL season

it doesn't look good mr. rogers

and i fear that many canadians
may be considering what i am considering
and that is
ending their commitment to you

relationships are hard mr. rogers

see
thing is
if there isn't hockey
then what is there?
reality tv?
come now mr. rogers
you can't honestly sit there and tell me
that what we are being presented with
in terms of "reality" is anything more
than a preconceived, scripted outlay of forced
idiocy and blandness
if this is reality
then i am a bit worried

it's sure not my reality mr. rogers

so this is my notice
that if hockey is swept under the rug
of this fine country
then i may have to gently place my upcoming
cable bills there as well
as i bid adieu to my tv

maybe i will just play monopoly instead
after all
that is what you enjoy
because monopoly is fun

isn't it mr. rogers?

running is making things hard
my metabolism is spinning
outta complete control
it's going CRAZY
take cover toronto............
i may start to riffle through
your trash

work in corporate?

want to make sure
human rights
never ever
knocks on your fuk'n door...

hire this guy



this pro-bono consulting tip
is brought to you by miss radmad

no latino pervert in the black racing car
i am not for sale

no policeman sportypistolshaker
i am not wearing lingerie

no waiting for the walk signal
i am not driving to see you

no fruit fly
you cannot hijack my juice

don't try to dissect me
what you pull and praud one day
will not be there the next
i'm still finding myself
yet i have been stored
collecting dust
i was never lost
give me a chance
i might surprise you
or i may disapoint
but you will never know
day to day
which it will be
that is why you keep coming
it is called intermittent reinforcement
like gambling
you keep pulling the trigger
because this may just be the fire
that kills

i think i'm gonna rip somethin' up tonight




she's a glamour girl
she stands so still
wears a feather bra
her hair so high
it starts to sway
when she brushes her teeth
five times a day

burlesque attitude
night-time thrill
she's a glamour girl
and her looks just kill
beware of her kiss
she'll suck you in
five times a day

love her breasts
forget the rest

burlesque attitude
night-time thrill
she's a glamour girl
and her looks just kill
beware of her kiss
the spikes never miss
she sucks you in
she's in a spin

she's a glamour girl
she's a glamour girl

chicks on speed
chicks on speed
oh yeah

Y Tu Mama Tambien
is a spanish subtitled film

what it lacks in sensuality
it makes up for in realism

i can't imagine what it would be like
to see my name in lights
or my picture in a magazine
i would imagine it would be
egotistically satisfying
for a while

and then i would shy away
and duck into the shadows
let me walk to the store in peace
and look at me because my hair
is blowing frantically in the wind
and because you don't know me
but you want to hold it out of my face

please don't try to capture it
forever
don't freeze it in time
let it move frame by frame
let it sweep out of my face
until it is carried away again

and look at me
simply because i'm frowning
they always tell me to smile
i think my face naturally falls to sadness
even despite my thoughts
but wait
for i will smile
it will come
it always does

cheese

i'm addicted to red
kinda like kay chose not to be an addict
but she did give me goosebumps
do do do do do do do do

so, yeah
red
i dunno
i surround myself with it
it's like oxygen for my core
the soothing and warm embrace
so sexy and aluring
and mysterious
it intertwines with black to create magic
so mystical with starlights
it makes me unravel to expose all

i would imagine that there are
alot of things that would hurt more than this



like having your leg twisted off
or your spine bent in two
or the skin behind your knee pulled an inch
out from your body
cause that hurts lots
i used to use that maneouvre when play fighting
my dad hated it
i'm a dirty play fighter though
i can make boys cry

i leave for a few days and
someone tries to torch TO's
nostalgic CHUM city building
hundreds of chillin's get killded
and a young guy driving a sweet ride
gets gunned down on the highway
in my city
it's amazing what the trees keep from you

sometimes you don't even realize
that even though it's not raining out
you are still being sheltered

at least it's just as sunny at home
that's nice to come back to

come on baby lite my campfire
this is kate



she hates bugs
but wore a pretty skort
and was a yuckhre tyrannt

girls made leather steak
boys fished and zoomed
minnows made a wild escape

some five year old boys
are heartbreakers in the making

and if marshmallows ever decided
to organize a communist party

kate would be their leader



and also their anhiliator

la la la la la la

k. bye bitches

i'm leavin' on a jetplane
i know when i'll be back again
i'm just not sayin'



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