radmad.ca

i have a date with this bitch in july

so i went into the dollar store on saturday
to get batteries

annoyingly
they are hanging behind the cashier guy at the counter

i point to the size i think i want
and its not that one
so i point to another
the N size
knowing i have no clue which one i want
he says "what do you need it for, your car starter"

me: "uuummmm, no."

dank and megan threw a bbq on saturday
we had it upstairs so as not to ruin
the award-winning balcony downstairs



and hanstar is going to write a book
about how to be the coolest chick on the planet
we are currently white stripping together

dirty



after picking cherries
megan and i went shopping to buy dank
a BAg of FuN
complete with a watergun, flip flops, playdoh, stickers, shrek candies
a "come over to the dork side" magnet,
pink undies
and a doily



maybe if you ask nice
he will actually post a picture of all his toys
or his newly sliced boys



after producing a spectacular parallel park



i showed up dressed like beetle juice
which i didn't mean to do
and kinda cried inside when i was told so




i think the pooch
thought i was mocking him

she wants to always be a free spirit
she made dank burn a spider on monday
her nose is peeling
she could never work in a chocolate factory
she hated every song written by the red hot chili peppers
her cortisol levels better fuk'n be in check
she drinks 4 cups of green tea a day
she has no tanlines
her summer is becoming action packed
she feels unencumbered
she is on page 54 of her 900 page book
her sister won't return her phonecalls
she thinks her sister was kidnapped
she put the exorcist theme song as her ringtone
her wallet is orange
she has not read a fitness magazine in months
she better get the thumbs up to run soon
her porch flowers need watering every day
she hates looking after flowers
she needs a pedicure
her appartment floor is covered in sand
she walks on the beach every morning
she is happy

so i thought of a new word circa two weeks ago
leaving the movie theatre
and wrote it down on a piece of paper
so as not to forget it

i am now ready to unleash it on the world

the new word is... drum solo (cause you know we're good at those)

intelligenitalia

it loosely means smart private parts
or more scientifically referred to as the
penis and vagina

the word can refer to either the male or female part
although more frequently used in the context of a female
which kinda goes without saying

i did a full google search
as this is now the dictionary of the new world
and nothing turned up

i will now use it in a sentence



"although blinded by passion and lust
she used her judgement and relied on her intelligentalia to say no
to the hot guy sitting across from her
so as to abstain from promiscious behaviours that would render her a trollup"

so when my company becomes big
which will only happen
when i get my head out of my poonani
and start silkscreening all the garments
then i will become an official entrepreneur



until then
my silkscreen is going to double as art
on my wall



oooooooooooo
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

you know you are getting old
when you go to chinese central
aka pacific mall
and find a kickass pair of converse shoes
and remember how you loved your first pair
and want to buy them again
to be all nostalgic

but don't

not because you have no money
and not because they don't have your size
or the colour you want

but because they have absolutely no arch support

matching shirts
matching cups
matching love for rye



we love eggs



it's a good thing one of us
remembers what happened last night
and can tell us stories
that make our eyes bulge
our cheeks blush
and the back of our minds be thankful
that we have no documented footage



when you don't shower
for 3 days straight
you find the prettiest flower
and wear it with hope





when the engine stops
in the middle of the lake
you paddle
and then you stop
on someone else's dock
and you talk about girl stuff





and the grand finale...

our memory is lost
but the drum solo will not be forgotten

maybe for a while
i will only post pictures of my eye

i think it will always be my left one
sometimes i may throw in a neck
and some chest
or dank's bbq'ing ass

just to mix it up

it will be like in amelie
when her friend took pictures of the garden gnome
in different cities
with various backgrounds

yeah
i will be the travelling eye
and this weekend it will be going
to bobcaygeon

how old would you be
if you did not know how old you are?

my mother tried to teach me
right from wrong

but in kindergarden i got in trouble
for giving michael gibbs
a raspberry
(the kind where spit flies off your tongue in a fast flutter)
in the bus line

in grade 11 i got in trouble
for coming home at 12:01 am
from parking with my first boyfriend
in his pick up truck
who i finally let touch me over my sweater

and in 2003
i got in trouble for flying to calgary for the weekend
to meet some guy
who i met over the internet
without telling anyone

i think i'm due
to get in trouble again

this weekend

radmad learned how to silkscreen

so here is the couch
very trendy
very comfy

so far this couch has been very good for
drinking wine on
watching a bad movie on
eating portobello mushrooms on
lighting an incense stick that burned my nostrils on
and sitting on while i tied my shoelaces

it is very versatile

and pink

let's start the bidding at three fifty
do i hear four fifty

couch goes to the hottest...

um.
i mean highest bidder

today i planted flowers



to match my with my shirt
hat



and sandles



but that was after we went to jetfuel
and i had a latte
and then to starbucks so i could pee out the jetfuel latte
only to get a tall americano

then i couldn't maintain my stimulation
long enough
so we went to the new juice bar on queen
so get some wheat grass
but the man behind the counter said
"we don't have it YET. but soon"

whatever guy
i bet if i slipped you a fifty
you'd take me to the supply
in the back room

so anyways
i'm still edgy and aDD
and need to go walk around in circles

so i woke up this morning
with raspy radio announcer voice
i think the harsh acidity of daily wine bouts
has removed the top layer
of my esophagous

oh and i officially have a cell phone back today

same number

and just incase you weren't sure
yes



girls DO love bubbles

immortalized in concrete

they actually pay some cheap punk guy
to stand next to a freshly laid sidewalk
so no one writes their name in it

i think he might currently
be looking for another job

harvey danger
danger will robinson
danger bay
danger zone
clear and present danger
transport of dangerous goods
danger high voltage
danger ahead

i'm suffering from phantom phone
i left my celly in the back seat of a cab
on friday night
i've got no land line
so been 4 days with no phone

and i keep hearing my foo fighters
"the best" ring tone
consciously i don't hear it
but in my head i do

it's like when my gramma had her leg amputated in 2000
and swore it was still there

okay
momentary lapse there



so i'm thinking that there are probably
a shit load of mom's-to-be out there
who are crossing their legs for dear life
given that today is 666 (june 6, 2006)

if i were due
i'd be right pleased

think about it
your kid is in kindergarden
pulls out a chunk of little susie's blond hair
cause she stole his yellow finger paint

you get called to the principle's office
to listen to the story of how your child
is a problem and menace to the other kids

and you're all
yes i understand your concern mr. weasley
but my son is the spawn of satan
so really...
what would you like me to do?

yeah
my kid would own that school