radmad.ca

Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium
was filming at the end of my street
literally
on the boardwalk
it stars natalie portman
the movie is out in november
i think

anyways
i hung around for a while to watch
but some fat red head guy with a headset
was being all anti-photo nazi
so i only took that one lame shot

back to natalie portman
she is simply adorable
so cute
and kinda short

i told sj that he is allowed to date her
but not this week cause i'm still mad
that he made me buy a supertrendy couch
that i simply don't need

but i won't tell you how much i spent
cause i'm gonna try to sell it to you next week

if you believe in love at first sight
you never stop looking

tonight brought me back to my university days
in more ways than one
the first way is that there were lots of heads
turning left
then right
then left again
looking for someone
someone to talk to
someone to make meaningful contact with

it also brought me back to my science lectures
where darwin was the topic of lecture
survival of the fittest
slowest bird looses out on the opportunity
to reproduce and pass on his genes

well
apparantly
it seems humans on the bar scene are not unlike
the green turtle of the galapagos

maybe it's because the green turtle is the ugliest of the turtle species
or maybe it's because he is too shy
or maybe cause he sprays on his dad's cologne
on the way out the door
and dances when he should be still

whatever the reason
there are only ugly guys out tonight
and hence
radmad spends another night amusing herself
in the chick's latrine

i was walking miss madison
off her leash in the park
and some mom and little girl
were staring at the ground
behind a tree

i was on the phone
paying no attention
when madd runs over to check it out

i look over and she is sniffing
the dead squirrel
that the woman is using as an
example of the circle of life
to her daughter

she actually said the words
"circle of life"
i snickered

inside of course
ish

so my pooch starts sniffing
the things tail
and the little girl is looking at her mom
and her mom is looking at me
on my phone

and all i can think is
madison
please
do
not
bite the squirrel's tail
like you do your stuffed lamb
and swing it around
like a frantic maniac

but then again...

it sure would have made for a better ending
to this post

no one likes a "coulda been"

i have decided that edward norton
will be my next boyfriend

for some reason i have developed
a propensity to be attracted
to quiet, nerdy, artsy types

and well he's brilliant



watch primal fear
you may want to do some laundry
or pay your bills
or text message your sister
during the first 94 minutes

but oh you wait
the last 2 are memorable



he is a little tinsletown bijoux
and i think he will be my biggest
conquest yet


but first

i have to go plant flowers at my aunt's

things i have done since i've become
a fierce invalid:

- finally designed my fish logo for my idea thingy
- signed up for a silkscreening class at some
funky ass shop on Queen West
- felt sorry for myself
then said "shutup self, feel good"
then felt sorry for myself again
and then said "shut up self..."
lather, rinse and repeat oh about
10 times per day
- learned that i can stay in shape while getting
the benefit of looking like a retard
by buying a running belt
and running in place in the deep end of a pool
- revised my dear god letter to allow reprive
from eating the M&M's at least
- emailed my aunty to tell her i would help her plant
- contemplated whether i want to read the da vinci code first
or see the movie first
- killed a spider

the evolution of dance

so just shoot me now
and send my sorry ass to the glue factory
i'm out
just like kramer was out
then george
then elaine

I'M OUT

i'm out of commission
no running for me for 2 months
stress fracture of the tibia

this is shitty

and this is my athieastic spastic prayer

dear god,

please grant me the resolve
to stay away from the candy store
the M&M quarter machine at loblaws
the starbucks goodie counter
and lunch buffet dessert tables
during this time of dormency

also
please grant me an extra wide nice streak
so as not to go ballistic on others
but instead
maintain my composure during this frustrating time
as i am now unable to vent my frustrations
and stresses through my sweatbands

and one more thing god
when i whine and wince that life is not fair
smack me over the head
and remind me that it's my own fuk'n fault



this is where you will now find me
on my porch
hangin around

i'm gonna spend time reading
getting smart
so i can use big words
that you'll have to look up
and stuff

and the prophets travelled
the southern ontario region
gathering around backyard chimineas
speaking of truth
and liberation



the truth is that if you haven't tried
the purple/pocket rocket
you are missing out on esctasy

and the sexual liberation
that comes from making yourself
a holla back girl

and shauna and radmad
took turns behind the shed
riding the rocket
so give us some fukn' privacy






jenn rode the machine
in her lawnchair




happy birthday pretty girl



thank you Crest Whitestrips



tony likes to sit, play and ride in puddles



deanna waves the magic wand

DANK says:
and it's for a real casting company

radmad says:
do they want me for something? i can be dramatic



DANK says:
YOU?!!!

DANK says:
you can also be a drunk butthead!!!!

DANK says:
hood surfing drunk is i think the proper credit for that particular role you play

radmad says:
not lately!

DANK says:
its like the tsunami

DANK says:
just a matter of time

radmad says:
nuh uuuuuuuuuuuh

DANK winks:

Play "Foot In Mouth" Get This Wink

radmad says:
i'm too interesting some days... what can i say

DANK says:
too true

DANK says:
it's a curse

there was a guy in yoga class last night
who was doing poses that i guess
must have kinda hurt
because he kept moaning
and grunting
and breathing hard

i think he was trying to be funny
and get attention

i wish it was a kickboxing class
cause it's really hard to
kick someone in the chops
with a tree pose

i guess i could have poked him
with a twig
or something

being a single thirtysomething girl
has made for a new slate in life
and swept in like a mighty gust
a very introspective
and liberating sense of self

time is your own
and you can share it
or you can keep it to yourself
or you can dab on some pink lipgloss
and make others want to take it from you

you can fool your body into so many things
drink caffeine for 6 days straight
on the 7th try de-caf
rub on some hormones
to change your cycle
add in some underwire and maybe some gel
to embellish the truth

the body of a woman is a very gullible thing
the mind not so much

getting older creates unique opportunities
to clean house so to speak
rid your life of things that don't make sense
or cause stress
and long sighs of annoyance

growing up shy and submissive
makes the world a scary and intimidating place
hang around enough bold extraverts
and the stomping shoe seems
to fit like a glass slipper

simple is nice
bidding adieu to people and strangers
that do not add a genuine meaning to your life
is healthy

say what you are thinking
and avoid the song and dance
pay the consequences later

everything in small doses
diversify and dabble

but risk overexposure
experience too many interestingly abstract things
and you may never be satisfied with the every day
if dissatisfaction takes its toll
it's time to shake off the monotony

make the effort
take the first step out your front door
compass in hand
map haphazardly crumbled on the floor

i'm listening to "lose yourself"
ala eminem

cause i got killed karaoking it
at the party
even with the words

that fuk'r talks like his tongue
is ON FIRE

i gotta rock it!

who practices karaoke
on her own
in her appartment
on a sunday afternoon?

me
i do
check it!

i am an idiot

for real

i have become so used to running far
that when i sign up for a 10k race
i do no pre-race prep whatsoever

no sleep early
no carb loaded dinner
no fuk'n breakfast

so serves me right
that i was 7 mins slower
than i shoulda been

fun time though
and i probably managed to do more
than you lazy peeps will all day

yeah
but you probably had a kazillion times
more fun that me last night
i watched a movie with diane keaton in it

wegz sportz bar in the italianville of vaughan
unfortunately makes the best nachos
ever invented



j-man and j-girl have stalked their way
into my hood
they become fellow beach bumbs in july
do i smell another party?





i am definately
a glass is mostly full kinda girl
until i have a few sips...

then i'm a "waitress i'd like another please"
kinda girl

this always happens

we finish a big project
and boss says to book us a spa day

and not hours later
i go and bite off my big toenail



i'm just happy
that i'm still bendy enough to do it

fuk the grossed out nail technician
who will look at it in disgust

i'm just gonna shrug and tell her
i forgot to pack a lunch

so i made an investment in my future
i purchased radmad.ca
finally

i would have liked radmad.com
but those fuk'rs
over at the Radisson hotels have it

they're gonna be sorry they didn't splurge on the .ca
muah hack blech harrrk

anyways
now i'm one step closer
to getting this freaking idea of mine off the ground

i just have to take that there class first
and design meeeself a logo

MAY the FOURTH be with you!

i was out with my running group last night
we did hill repeats
which means we run up a big ass hill
like one that you can't even see the top of
then run down 3/4 and back up
then run down 1/2 way then back up etc.

anyways i was getting pretty hot
and maybe a bit sweaty
which is okay cause my sweat is like sugar water

we get to the bottom of the hill
and i remember that i have left my mascara on
and it's the new mammoth volume l'oreal one
that has 2 applicators
and i swear is made with latex paint

so i turn to collette and ask if it's
running down my face
and she says nope, you're good

then i take a closer look at her
and notice something out of place

ME: "ummmm collette
you have a big booger in your nose,
left nostral"

Collette: "no shit! Thanks. pick. Gone?"

Me: "yuh huh."

and then we both ate a handful of gummy worms
and went back up the hill

radmad was lite on the mic
she spun spun splenda
insteada


me and hannah
made candy kebobs
and flower sugar cookies
for all the stoners

but all the stoners
were entirely too memorized
by my fantastical porch
that they nary came in
for a nibble

so i ate 5 the next day
and pawned the rest off
on the three kids up the street

so i have been remise
no lazy
and have had no interest in posting party pics

there are tons to sift through
and cause the folder is huge
and my laptop is crap
it takes forever to resize etc

oh and i got a hammock
on my porch now

so that's more fun that being computer bound