radmad.ca

if you plan on singing
don't come too late
because after the moon spins to a certain degree on it's axis
i hear radmad turns into a karaoke nazi

don't forget to tell Dank that he is looking older

and don't forget to tell hannah that she better
meet lots of mates and fornicates during her month
escapage in auzzieland

for those inquiring
sj will be making a special guest appearance

my dog is small
and she likes people
so she may get underfoot
please do not step on her
step on her and you're out
this is a zero tolerance no-stepping-on-dog party policy

oh and this is a byob event
and for those of us who may require clarification
byob does not mean
bring more home
than you show up with

okie?

other than that

go nuts!

this is jack



he is the little jack russell
that sj is rescuing
he is 3 years old
and suffers from seizures

his owners don't want him any more
because they are irresponsible and dumb

jack is going to be really loved
and have lots of adventures
and maybe get some puppy love
from miss madison

congratulations sj!

i saw on old man
on the street tonight
maybe in his late 70s
strapping something onto the back of his bike
outside the coles bookstore on Queen st.

he had crisp white hair
and tanned skin
oh
and he was wearing
a navy blue leather highschool football jacket



so then i got thinking
how cute
he kept his jacket and is reliving his youth
before he kicks the bucket

then
because i was stopped at the light long enough
i saw 2002 patched on the arm

and then i did the math
and thought daaaamn
i wonder if he hung out with the cool kids
and got to bang the head cheerleader

it seems that the chapters of life
can be broken out quite clearly
in most people's lives

some i guess could break them out
based any number of factors
school years
relationships
towns / houses lived in
friends

i would think that i am
in my 5th chapter

my first chapter is childhood
going to the trailer with my family
fighting with my sister
having both parents still in my life
not a fukn' care in the world

the four chapters to follow
are denoted by boyfriends



oh and then there is that
ummmm
heavy dating period in there too

but for the most part
it's relationships with boyfriends

now i am in a chapter
void of boys
void of dates
just me

and i kinda don't mind it so much

i remember at time
when i didn't have to
struggle
and use all of my upper arm strength
to squish my boobs together
just to make some semblance
of a cleavage

so turns out i have got the best
receiver around town
dank and sj went out to value village
unbeknownst to moi
and picked me up a fantastic
8 trak receiver
and retro speakers to match



this is too much
i'm thrilled

and i got stuff for my porch
like neon fireflies
and chairs

and NEW KARAOKE MUSIC
yup das right

picked up some eminem
and maybe some backstreet boys even

and then there's the multicoloured straws

and the dried berry and nut brie slab
i'm thinking another week in the fridge will be juuuuust fine

oh and don't bother taking your shoes off
cause i have lots of floor
and only a miniscule dirt devil vac
and it's only april
so i don't vaccuum again for a few weeks

i left work early today
came home
and had a nap

my first nap in maybe 2 years
i don't usually stop moving long enough
to sleep
this weekend i slept lots
i'm tired
monumentally tired
but you'd never know that
unless i told you



which i think i just did

i was part of that 2.27%
of the population
who thought kon kan were awesome

in fact
i think that same
2.27% are probably just dorky enough
to have karaokified their songs

hmmmmm

must
find
out

i have the best neighbours

ever

although they ARE holding madison's
squeeky chicken toy hostage
on Bakalakadaka Street

Gary Johnston: OK, a limosine that can fly. Now I have seen everything.
Spottswoode: Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head?
Gary Johnston: No.
Spottswoode: So then, you haven't seen everything.

i can't help it
i still love them
and want them to steal free cable from me

the important question
i think we have to ask here
is whether it is more gratifying
to masturbate as a single person
or as one in a committed relationship

now as a single person it becomes
more out of necessity
to the degree to which you choose
not to have an opportunity for relations
lying next to you
or for that matter sitting across from you
at what i would assume would have to be
a somewhat small dinner table



as a committed person
it becomes a naughty thrill
of sneaking one in
so as not create the ever so unnecessary
insecurities of "do i not do it for you dear?"

unless of course you are happily
incorporating it into a mutually enjoyable
experience

which is of course always nice

i remain eternally uncertain
as to the answer


i must continue my research

i need a receiver
a cheap one
homemade even



i also think i'm gonna grab
some outdoorsy patio chairs
for the smokermcweedpuffertypes

and for those who want to belt
out the roake tunes
down the street

poor hanstar
was all pukedeathstargalactica
this weekend
for her birthday

so when plans change
radmad reacts



by going shopping


oh and apparantly that dicsmak
god
is paying me back
for sumthin' sumthin'

i have no cable

everyone else still does
just not me

SWM
looking for hot bitch
to take long walks on the beach
sniff ass
and fetch the paper on sunday mornings

me on the left
sis on the right
family dinner on sunday

she called me crabby
and pms'ing

i called her a bitch

i was in fact
all 3 for the both of us

but she did get my famous
homemade
turkey meatballs out of the scrap

enjoy pretty girl!

i have a sore tummy
i ate about a hundred too many
chocolate covered almonds

i think the only way i can overcome
my addiction
is to have them injected intraveneously
yeah
that will cure me

so my boss and i signed a deal
with north america's biggest chamber of commerce
and now i'm a ghost writer
i write articles
telling people about the latest trends in my industry
and provide advice, tips and techniques
for things i have never actually done myself
only know lots about

kinda like a painter
who teaches others how to paint
but has never actually painted a picture himself
god bless consulting



sj is selling his weightbench
don't let the dust fool you
it's brand new!
$200
it's a good deal
and you get to meet me
if you buy it
cause it's in my shithole of a basement

well let's make is $195
if you throw in some choc almonds