radmad.ca

she had replaced sex with food

now she couldn't even get into her own pants

no one goes to the drake hotel
on a thursday night
unless there is a band

we saw kobayashi
an acid jazz electronica hip hop
band
from montreal

kinda sounded like mogwai barfed
on boards of canada


if they grow back
i will wear a bra
until then...











sj sandwich

so apparantly the government
thinks i owe them for a few years
of taxes
totalling something that resembles
about a month of salary

so i think i will moonlight
as a light bulb changer
i'm good at it
and it's probably easier to get work
at night
in the dark
anyways

so i'm putting together a portfolio
with samples of my work
in case you...

you know

need a lightbulb changed

me and dan
have decided to supe up our shared washing machine
in the basement

while doing laundry last week'ish
i sat on the washer
waiting
and kinda shakin around a bit
vibrating actually
and it kinda didn't feel horrible

so we're gonna hook up a dimmer light
feed in some Barry White
and i think maybe put a 'do not disturb'
sign on the door

i will have the cleanest clothes
on the
PLANEt

some days you just have to jam as much into it
as possible
and you have to learn new things
so when sitting in the doctor's office
you're better off reading national geographic
than Cosmo

some days you have to reconnect with friends
that you have been too busy to call
because the 'getting back in touch' call
is probably gonna take a half hour

Results from my first 1/2 marathon
which is 21 km or 13.1 miles
or roughly the equivalent
of driving from parkdale
to east oakville

i finished in the top third

stats:

Place - # - Name - Age -Sex - City - Time - Pace min/mile
771 (/2311) - 2012 - Radmad - 30 - F - Oakville - 1:55:04 - 8:57 (or 5.33 min/km)



i got a metal



well...
everybody kinda did

oh and down south
camel toes are all the rage

i went to the dentist today
bad
i went over my lunch hour
even worse

and i was in a mood
my hygenist says i have a cavity
my first cavity ever
crap

and then my dentist walks in
so friendly and jovial
to his own detriment
he was driving me crazy with his small talk
my mom used to have a crush on him
but his hair is graying now

anyways the radio is playing in the room
and the dj says that the weather forecast
has changed from freezing-like rain to just drizzle
so my dentist says "gee what's the difference really?"

yeah
he shouldn't have asked such a hypothetical-type
question
so i actually said in a bored tone "well, drizzle is like this..."
and i flicked my fingers off my thumb
kinda slowly to signify spatting rain
and i said "and rain is like this..."
and wiggled all the fingers on my hand all around frantic

then i said
or you could also differentiate the two
based on how fast your wipers are going

if the hygenist hadn't told me already
before he came into the room
i'd have sworn he said
"oh yeah, you sarcastic little twot,
here's a cavity for your saucy mouth,
take that!
and see ya next friday at 8 for the filling!"

remember the pet shop boys?

yeah
they were good

hey everybody...
this is hannah

hannah
this is everybody

so last night
i was wing girl for my boss

we went to see gino vanelli
at the mod club
for free
and the crowd was older than
2 people my age standing
next to one another
they actually had to arrange seating

and he for some reason
"wild horses" ala 2006
is now a jazz song
huh?



and gino had bigger hair than he did in the 80's
i called him microphone head
to the bouncer guy
who said his hair wasn't as big
during rehearsal
which means he thinks
he was sporting a 'piece'



microphone head
microphone head

can i please sing karaoke
into your microphone
head

i was so bored
that i spent half the night



in the can
text messaging
with my neighbours

sometimes i want to take a road trip
just me

me and all the cash in my account
and maddie
cause she'd miss me lots

and i wonder
where would i drive to
and would i map out a route in advance
or just stick out my arms
and go by feel



would people know what i was doing
or even notice it was the same shirt
i'd worn for days

and if there was something to see
the next off the highway
would i stop
or feel like it is just easier to keep going



i'd have to write everything down
and take pictures
of course lots of those

and meet people in coffee shops
that would help me with directions
who i would thank and say
"see you later"

knowing i never would

i have not eaten sweets since saturday
today is thursday
i have eaten brocolli every day
since saturday
again
today is thursday
i may be developing superhero powers
as we speak

oh and i am going to be testing out a new
and very important theory tonight

the reason we get hangovers
is because of electrolyte depletion
resulting from dehydration

my goal is to get drunk tonight
off crown and diet cokes
with a twist of lime
while at the gladstone hotel

and i have in my possession
a container of pure electrolytes
which i will drink with water
before bed

i am hoping this theory works
because i have a 9am client meeting



yeah
at the gladstone ce soir
there is some film/tv "industry party"
although i am not i said industry
i am one degree of separation

from being in it
so
good enough for me

and hopefully the people at the door

this was the picture
that started it all

i had a money saving brain wave today
i was baggin up some portobello shrooms
at Loblaws
then i thought
they weigh these
little shit-grown-fuk'rs
and the more shroom there is
the more they cost
but i love them
and want more
so i yanked the fattyknobs
off the bottoms
cause i don't eat 'em



should i patent this idea maybe?

day 4
i'm hungover
i ate a hundred chocolate hearts
and my head is gonna 'splode



good job chachi

so here it is
again
the fuk'n
chart again

it's hard to read
but i made it all pretty for the fridge
i check off if i have
exercised, drank H2O, watched calories,
no booze, no sweets each day

i tried it before
not eating sweets for a month
it was hard
and i cheated a few days
but managed to endure

and i'm at it again
too much on the line
i've worked too hard
too many early mornings
to give it all up for a brownie

like the one sj and i shared last night
after a bottle of wine

i'm gonna be ready for my races
i've got my hot red running pants
my gellified sneakers
my jazzy ipod
and my fancy watch that tracks everything
from how far and fast i go
to how many times i think about sex