radmad.ca

big plans for tonight




then find j-man and new chick
and drag their asses
for a beverage
or 8

montreal is trendy
i went there last weekend
with my sis
and we ripped and tore
through the town

it was super hot
and super sunny
but i had me a base
so all was well and bronzed

i wore the same outfit
for three straight days

well
'cept for when we stood up
modest mouse

sorry
we had places to go

i missed out on gay pride
weekend festivities
back in the tdot
but that's okay
it was just as gay
when i got home

i have two glittery belts now
yup
SCHNAZAAAAAAH!

she has trouble acting normal
when she's nervous

just checking
do you think i left enough
flame and heat on the fire
after eating my 67th smore

cause i think i drained
the flaming beast
of it's firey resources

one and all





if the americans had a team america
to thwart the evil plans
of the mighty squirrel empire
then expat andy
would be their fierce leader



if we average out
the number of people
against the number of days
then there were officially
1.5 showers had over 15 days




seventy two hours later
and i still can't
get the smoke smell
outta my hair

i didn't even drink much
on this night

or at the wedding
on saturday night

in fact
in the past month
i have only drank water
green tea
and diet coke

i didn't like how i got
when i drank too much
dumb and mean and forgetful

i like feeling cleansed

i could never quite understand
how people could just not drink
i used to count down
to friday
cause that's my
put down what's in my right hand
and grab my spirit day

now i drink socially
a drib
a drab
and i feel fab

but fear not
i have yet to succumb to
the innocence of a school girl
or the chaste of a catholic nun

i'm still a badass

just look to the scull
and crossbones
on my camo cargo pantalons

never trust a big butt and smile
that girl is poison

theeeeeey're
cooooooming
toooooo
geeeeeet
yooooooooooou

sure bet these people
wish they were
outside
at a eff you enn park

spinnin round and round
with their footies danglin
to an organ jingle from the speakers
in the sky



it's 10:24 in the am
i'm flyin solo at work
boss is in vancouver
i've eaten all my lunch stuffs already
and the fuk'n bar fridge by my desk
thawed my hummus
so i cranked down the temp
now it's a frozen brick

other than
dealing with that catastrophy
i've
made a few calls
sent a few emails
went pee three times
from all the h2o

shit
it would seem my day is almost done
quitn' time at noon today

meet me at the spinning teacups

hello summer sun
i don't know why the winter
exists
other than to make the summer
that much more awesome

beach volleyball is hot
a bug flying in your eye
while eating cajun squid is not

puppy pooped on my celly
and now it's dead
call me
i'll know when you are
you just won't get an answer

field hockey tonight
under the stadium lights
fuk'n shin spurs
keep jingle jangle jerkin me around

wedding on saturday
gonna sport the black old faithful
with a kickass tan
i've been acquiring

who's in for $2 tuesday
at the jay's game

bought a shiznit load
of beach gear
at the dollar store
bright yellow beach towel
bright pink floaty
dorkky flowered sand umbrella

oh yes
it's hear my dearies
and you'll be quite
able to see me
sprawled out in it

from the satelittes

so i picked up a waitress
on friday night
at Il Fornello

got her number
and according the da judge
even engaged in some
shameless flirting

this chick is the coolest
thing since
jelly shoes came back in style

she cut me a larger
than life
piece of carrot cake
and didn't even add
it's mammothness to the bill

her name is paula
i have her digits
and we're gonna
make a play date

sj says it's cheating


unless he gets to watch

so apparantly
Pop Tarts
is presenting an American Idols Live
tour
clear across the north american
continent

heh
don't really think
there could be a more fitting
sponsor

POP
TARTS