radmad.ca

i like how i can be all alone
in a room
and make myself blush



that used to be horrible for me
i would blush at the slightest thing
it made me feel so insecure
and that would make me blush even more

round and round it would go

a glance in my direction
a moment of attention in a large group
a blunder or mistake
a cute boy

i blush less now
not like i used to
could be i'm more secure now
less shy
more 'in your face'

dunno
or maybe yesterday
it was just the wine

it's no surprise that bart simpson
ruined thanksgiving for marge
and that is because
he is a
trite maniacal bratass



if apple people ruled the corner of the earth
that no one inhabited
would worms vacation there?



some girls are not bold enough as to touch
another woman's breasts
some are
i can guarantee
that both will enjoy it



there are now soaps on the market
that can do one of two things
either
wash away your whoreness
and rejuvenate pureness within
or
provide a spout that is shaped
just aptly enough
as to rid you of your virginity

sounds like a wonderful opportunity
for a
buy one
get one free discount

this is kim
and nikola

nikola is the one with the fancy headpiece
only problem is
the damn thing keeps getting caught
in the net

nikola is not a hardcore mover on the court
she unleashes her power
from the depths of her being
she also tells little white lies

not nice nikola

one of these days a badass nun from the hood
is going to think you really are going to sing
this time
and if you pull the rug out again
she just might send the mighty gnats of hell
to nibble on your ankles
especially if you miss another net ball

and kim
oh yes kim
the stunning blonde flower that teases and taunts
poor little bertrand

all he ever wanted to do was openly seduce her
in public and make her feel like a dirty little
school girl
or maybe like a blonde fifty something tart
with a tight white crop tee and gorgeous
set of stretched, flabby
no stretched
no flabby
set of abs

surely my girls would remember that

ALL IS FUN AND GAMES



UNTIL SOMEONE LOOSES A gOOGLy eYE

i love this hat

i love this hat with pearls
the cheap ones worn by saucy girls

i love this hat with crown
laced with diet coke and lime to help it all slide down

i love this hat in fall
with leaves swirling o'erhead in a fantasy sprawl

i love this hat with you
wearing nothing but pearls, crown and a leaf
on my doopdedooo

in light of my recent redemption
here's a reminder of the way things
can sometimes be

it's the ying to redemption's yang
the black to the stripe's white
the brocolli to the slice of lemon meringue
the shivers to the hot beads of sweat



if you are a bartender chick
and a divine looking beauty
approaches your area of the bar
and she looks thirsty
and she smiles at you as a fellow
estrogenian
please don't look past her
over and again
while graciously serving the boys
to her left
and to her right
and then the newly arrived boys
to her left and right

it's just not nice
really

and after about 10 minutes of waiting
yes it is pretty safe to interpret
her darkened eyes as anger
and eventually pissedoffedness

and if when she finally gets her drink
and you toss her change right far away
in a pile of existing coin
and she mistakenliy grabs it

please don't send the head bouncer
after her boy
because he happened to be there
and you noticed some tippage missing

she might just have sewn voodoo dolls
for girls who have been less mean

so my friend kyle



photgraphically sophisticated
actorally enhanced
artsy friend kyle

has started his very own
bloggy blahg

it's here

so apparantly it is a bad thing
to kill a fly

well let me take this opportunity to speak
of all the nice things i have done this week

- organized the donation of money to a family
so they can buy presents and a christmas meal

- put cheese in my bitch's food dish

- gave a guy tailgating me and highbeaming me
the finger
oops. scratch that one.

- hung toilet paper over a bathroom stall
so that the next person wouldn't have to
drip dry

- sent an e-card

- got my dad and his chick a winetasting thingy

- got my man a cherry cheese cake and only
ate one piece

see
i have good karma
i'm not walking a plank to the darkside
i'm not a horrible
fist wielding uglymeanhead

this is moi
post my first tan of the dreary
winter season
got rosy face cheeks
and burnt, itchy bum cheeks

other that it's like i never even suffered
it the tight white chamber of toxin

i am completely adverse
to reality shows that try to
make stars
of somebodies
from nobodies

but i am however
quite intrigued by America's next Top Model

intrigued to the point that i am glued
fixated
and obnoxiously anxious
to see it

i like how the girls are gnarly
mean and jealous of each other
it really is a true testament
to how catty women can be
that's why i don't hang around many

guy friends are so much more laid back
easy going
genuine
and effortless to enjoy

why can't all chicks be like this little
angel of the galaxy?

there is a bad bad fly
that is buzzing at the window next to my desk
problem is... i can't open these particular windows

this means i have one of two choices
kill it
or ask it real nice to stop buzzing

hmmm. KAPOW!



ironic
i'm wearing all black today

it's fall
summer is over
their period of grace has been exhausted

from the 'did you know' files:

today



a blue sparkly



fell onto my shoe



i wore it like a circus costume

i'm a rockstar



dixie chicks - goodbye earl
cheryl crow & kid rock - picture
(me singing the part of ms. crow)

i wonder at what point
a person in their prime
decides that they will not
or maybe cannot
contribute to society

the faces in the coffee time tonight
were all smeared images of
men they once were
potentially

faces resting in cupped hands
looking dismayed and sad

i wonder if they think of
what if's
and of the one point in time
when it started
the path to self-destruction

was it an injury
that rendered them useless in their job
or was it the high rent, and bills
and food that seemed to become more
and more limited

are the days long and endless
is there anything to look forward to

do they wish there was more time
another time
or the same time over again

some nights i appreciate the hot water
that will cascade off my back

tis the weekend
play nice
get dirty and down and all that jazz

clean up your butts and your caps
and don't burn the chick's rug

be nice to dogs that look like they might bite
because
well
they might bite

tell the girl who looks sad and lonely
at the back of the diner
that she has a pretty face
and a snappy shirt

call the boy that you love
and whisper you still think of him

stay in bed
not because your gut screams
and your head dives to your throat
but because you can

and because you don't want to get in the way
of the hot stranger cooking bacon
for you
in his kitchen

go to starbucks
and pick the best seat in the joint
because
you took the stairs to the top
and didn't huff and puff
that much

but don't get a coffee
get a cookie
because sweet fuk
they are a delight

get out
go to the place you always wanted
but couldn't be bothered to
be nostalgic
original
and make a name for yourself

do it
over these two days

this is dave again
he doesn't know it yet
but my cock is trying to set him up
with girls in the US of A
who want to stray from their homeland
and seek refuge in the sanity that is canada

why does it seem that the united states
are so completely out of touch with reality
and everything that is supposed to be good
in this world...

anyway
dave is a good guy
if you think you might want to date dave
please reach me via the email linky luck to your right

everyone has something
they wish they could do
without trying
without thinking
and certainly without practicing
something that would excite them
make them feel alive and full of expression

mine was playing the violin
i saw a dynamic young woman play once
i saw her on tv
and then live in concert
she played grassroots jives and jangles
and wow
she blew me away

she moved me
and rocked me
and burst my insides out

i wanted that
i wanted to be able to have that impact

so i got myself a fancy violin
got myself a private teacher
and i practiced

but i couldn't read the music
fuk i tried
i would write the notes out above the songsheets
in a faint pencil
after months i could play be heart
and man it sounded good
for a beginner

but soon my teacher became pissy
that i couldn't read the notes
his 5 year old students could

so i got all discouraged
and sad
and i stopped playing
and i finished my last lesson

now my violin is collecting dust

dust or no dust
i think that the violin
is still the most beautiful instrument
ever




i think that is the only thing in my life
that i have ever given up on

the girl that inspired me
was a dixie chick

I am an Indie Girl



It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.
-- Nick Hornby, High Fidelity


An Indie Girl's life is a Statement with a capital S, but unlike the Granola Girl, the statement is not political -- it's artistic. Indie Girls consider themselves actresses in the movie of life. Your meal needs to be constructed like an independent film. If you're bringing her over for a date, you are playing a character in her movie. If you create a setting, props, and a soundtrack that are good enough to avoid the cutting-room floor, she's yours.

You can boil the Indie Girl down to two words: cultural literacy. Or how about these two: media consumption. As the Gourmet Girl loves food and all that goes with it, the Indie Girl loves media: books, movies, music, and art. The good news is you don't have to be rich, good-looking, or famous to win this girl's heart. The bad news is she will judge you based on your music choices, the books you read, and the films you watch.

She Might Be a Indie Girl if:

She drives: a classic car, a VW beetle, a Mini Cooper, or a Vespa scooter.
She can talk for more than ten minutes about: obscure pop culture.
She begins her sentences with: "It's like that Simpsons episode . . ."
She'd never: drive a mini-van.
She owns any of the following: TiVo, a mini-DV camera, an iPod, a pottery wheel, a serger, or a lava lamp.

what kind of girl are you?

flowers in the attic
meets the adam's family

you know you got your money worth
when you purchase a badass dress
off the cheaper than cheap,
let's get rid of this rag
cause obviously the creator
had no clue

rack

wore it to a wedding in the NY Hamptons
wore it to tha Drake for martini's
wore it out for laloween

yup.
if it were a token machine
i'd have to insert more tokens
cause that baby has been parked on my bod
for longer than the meter should allow
times up!

dave wore a shirt with cocks on it
and he wore ma cock's cock hat
then i gave him some lollipops
for his pocket

yup
he went as a cocksucker



when you dress fancy
and look spicey
and dark
and mysterious
then sometimes
just sometimes
a tony will give you free vino

white magical pixie dust
however
is not free
but oh if it were
what a wonderful world louie armstrong
could really sing about

no fedex man
i'm not wearing
"halloween hair"
but yes that look on your face is
priceless
boo!

you too vince tompson and dickerson
dick
it's not a wig
but i don't think that shoe you are wearing
will taste very good



unless of course
it's made of
CHOCOLATEEEEEEEEEEE